COLD SLITHER - COLD SLITHER [Dreadnok Attack Orange - Gray Marble LP]

A deep dive rockumentary tale in the vein of "Some Kind of Monster" and "This is Spinal Tap" exploring what happened after the music stopped for Cold Slither, the fake band created by Cobra to take over the world.

It's been years since the massive hit "Cold Slither," by the band Cold Slither swept America. And sure, the paramilitary G.I.Joe stomped in, and ruined the band's greatest (and only) concert. And yeah, they broke up the band too. But an album as great as "Cold Slither" wouldn't just go quietly into the night.

With the rise of social media and streaming platforms the hit single got a second life, and millions of new fans. With subtle mind-controlling signals worked into the algorithm that would surely make Facebook, TikTok and Youtube jealous...well...Cobra won.

Yep. Cobra Commander rules the world. With the support of enthusiastic mind-controlled Cold Slither fans, Cobra got more support, more troops, and more cool vehicles. Cobra Commander is president of the U.Ssssss.A. He had the Statue of Liberty's face buffed off to match his featureless mask. M.A.R.S. sells heavy artillery through the postal service. G.I. Joe, if they're still around, have been scattered to the winds.

But Cold Slither, overcome by wealth, fame and internal conflicts didn't become part of the regime. They went off to live their own lives outside of rock.

Now, renowned documentarian Hector Ramirez is exploring what happened to each member in a film called "Band of Vipers," chronicling how fame, fans, and the pressure to write literally just one more song drove four best friends/terrorist bikers apart.

Buzzer has returned to his post at Cambridge University, but an aching desire to run with the boy’s conflicts with his anger at Zartan for giving up on the crew when the chips were down.

Torch plays in wedding bands, paid by brides and grooms to absolutely trash the place to cover songs...but the artificial anarchy is getting him down.

Ripper is married, with three kids and a beer gut in suburban Minneapolis, Cobrasota. But his wife is losing interest in him. She wants the tight striped pants wearing moron she fell in love with back.

And Zartan--mentally tormented by the alternating identities of international terrorist and beloved frontman, he creates an entirely new identity as Mr. Z, a kids' martial arts instructor. Though he's beloved in Daytona where he resides, he finds himself almost subconsciously fomenting conflict among the parents, by impersonating them.

Now, brought together by the doc crew, the band works through their resentment’s rand realizes how much they've missed each other. Bro-hugs are given, grape sodas are imbibed and with equipment supplied by the crew, they're convinced to record a brand-new record, called 'Cold Slither Rides Again' with new songs written by Torch, not Destro's computer algorithm. And they'll play a stripped-down acoustic version of their number one song--for an online audience of millions of salivating fans.

What joy! What fun! WHAT MUSIC!

BUT!

This was all an elaborate ruse. Hector Ramirez is really LADY JAYE in high tech disguise, and her crew. Scarlet, Cover Girl and Rock N' Roll--the long-lost G.I. Joe team. They expertly played to the egos and low-IQs of the Dreadnoks, under Covert Operator Lady Jaye's tutelage.

And the performance that went out across America was layered with a brand-new message:

"Cobra is the Enemy. Fight for Freedom. Wherever there's trouble."

The spell broken; Americans begin to fight back against Cobra regime! G.I.Joe members, hidden within communities, rise and command units of fighting Americans, who now see they've been played for years by the song.

And Cobra Commander has no one to blame but COLD SLITHER.

As his Mobile Command White House burns around him, and G.I. Joe is at the gate, Cobra Commander berates the Dreadnoks for their failure.

But damn it if he still doesn't love that song.